Question 1

What is the Gottman Trust Revival Method?

Accepted Answer

The Gottman Trust Revival Method is a research-based framework developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman specifically for couples healing from infidelity. It moves through three sequential phases, Atone, Attune, and Attach, each of which builds the foundation the next one requires. The Atone phase focuses on accountability, transparency, and stabilizing the crisis. The Attune phase shifts toward understanding what was happening in each person and in the relationship, and what each partner needs going forward. The Attach phase focuses on rebuilding intimacy, creating new agreements, and constructing a relationship that both partners have actively chosen. I trained in this model through the Gottman Institute.

Question 2

Can a relationship survive infidelity?

Accepted Answer

Yes, and research on this is more hopeful than many people expect. Many couples not only survive infidelity but describe their relationship as stronger and more honest afterward than it was before. What tends to determine the outcome isn't the severity of the affair but whether both partners are willing to do the hard work of understanding what happened, rebuilding trust, and creating something genuinely different. That process takes time, usually more than most people expect, and it benefits significantly from structured clinical support. Survival without that work is possible, but the unaddressed wounds tend to resurface.

Question 3

How do I know if I'm experiencing betrayal trauma?

Accepted Answer

Betrayal trauma is what happens when the person you depended on for emotional safety becomes the source of fear, confusion, or harm. If you've discovered an affair and are experiencing intrusive thoughts, panic, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, or a profound sense that your reality has shifted, you may be experiencing betrayal trauma rather than just relationship pain. The distinction matters because betrayal trauma doesn't resolve through time or logic alone. It requires addressing both the emotional experience and the nervous system response underneath it. You can learn more about betrayal trauma and individual therapy for it at https://www.seekthesun.net/betrayal-trauma-therapy.

Question 4

What if the affair was emotional and not physical?

Accepted Answer

Emotional affairs are often experienced as more devastating than physical ones, not less. The sense that a partner's emotional intimacy, inner world, and genuine connection were being shared with someone else can feel like a deeper betrayal than a physical encounter that carried less emotional weight. Affair recovery therapy addresses emotional affairs with the same seriousness as physical ones. The Trust Revival Method applies regardless of whether the affair was physical, because what needs to be rebuilt is trust, attunement, and genuine connection, not just fidelity in a narrow sense.

Question 5

Is affair recovery therapy different from regular couples therapy?

Accepted Answer

Yes, significantly. Standard couples therapy is designed for relationships navigating communication problems, conflict patterns, or general disconnection. Affair recovery requires a specific clinical framework that accounts for the trauma of the betrayed partner, the complexity of what drove the affair, and the structured process of rebuilding trust. Without that framework, couples therapy after an affair can inadvertently minimize the betrayed partner's experience or move toward forgiveness before the groundwork for it has been laid. The Gottman Trust Revival Method provides that structure.

Question 6

When should we start therapy after discovering an affair?

Accepted Answer

As soon as you're both willing to show up, even if you're not sure you want to stay together. The acute aftermath of discovery is actually one of the most important times to have clinical support, not because you need to make decisions quickly, but because having structure during the crisis phase can help both partners stay regulated enough to make thoughtful choices rather than reactive ones. You don't need to have your story organized, know what you want, or have stopped fighting. You just need to be willing to come in.

Question 7

Can affair recovery therapy help if the affair happened years ago?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Many couples carry unresolved betrayal for years, sometimes decades, without ever fully addressing it. The affair may have been disclosed, forgiven on the surface, and never spoken about again, while the wound continued to shape the relationship in ways neither partner fully named. Affair recovery therapy can reach those older wounds. The Gottman Trust Revival Method doesn't require the affair to be recent. It requires both partners to be willing to look honestly at what happened and what it cost.

Question 8

What if we're constantly fighting since the affair?

Accepted Answer

That's one of the most common presentations in the early phase of affair recovery and it makes complete sense. The betrayed partner is in trauma, the partner who had the affair is often overwhelmed by guilt and defensiveness, and neither person has the regulatory capacity to have calm, productive conversations. Constant fighting after an affair is a sign that you need support, not a sign that repair is impossible. Therapy provides the structure and the third party presence that makes it possible to slow the conflict down enough for something different to happen.

Question 9

How long does affair recovery therapy take?

Accepted Answer

Genuine affair recovery takes time, more time than most couples expect when they first come in. Most couples are in therapy for a year or more, and some work together longer depending on the complexity of the betrayal and what each partner is carrying individually. This isn't a reflection of how damaged the relationship is. It's a reflection of how significant the work is. Rushing the process is one of the most common reasons affair recovery stalls. I'd rather be honest with you about the timeline upfront than promise something that sets you up for disappointment.

Question 10

What happens in the first session?

Accepted Answer

Both partners attend the first session together. We'll talk about what you're each hoping for and what therapy might look like for your specific situation, but we won't start with the crisis. I'll also ask how you met, how you decided to commit to each other, and something about the history of your relationship before the affair. That context matters. Understanding who you were to each other before the betrayal is part of understanding what there is to rebuild. I ask that both partners join from the same location for this first session when possible, including for virtual appointments. After the initial session, you'll each complete a comprehensive Gottman relationship assessment. I'll then meet with each of you individually, which gives each partner space to speak candidly without managing the other person's reaction. From there we come back together to review the findings and map out a personalized treatment plan for your recovery.

Question 11

Do we have to decide if we're staying together before we start?

Accepted Answer

No. You do not need to have made any decisions about the future of your relationship to begin affair recovery therapy. Many couples come in still deciding. Some come in certain they want to stay and discover through the process that they can't. Some come in uncertain and find their way back to each other. All of those are legitimate places to start. My job is not to save your marriage, it's to help you move through this with clarity, honesty, and care, whatever that leads to.

Question 12

Will therapy make things worse before they get better?

Accepted Answer

Sometimes, yes, and I think it's important to be honest about that. The early phases of affair recovery therapy involve going directly toward the wound rather than around it. That means talking about the affair, sitting with difficult emotions, and addressing things that may have been avoided for a long time. That process can feel destabilizing before it begins to feel stabilizing. What I can tell you is that the destabilization is temporary and purposeful. It's part of what makes genuine healing possible rather than a surface-level truce. I'll be with you through all of it and can help you develop ways of coping with the pain.

Question 13

What if my partner doesn't want to come to therapy?

Accepted Answer

It's not uncommon for one partner, often the partner who caused harm, to be reluctant about therapy, at least initially. If your partner isn't ready to come in, individual therapy can still be valuable for you as you process what's happened, get support, and figure out what you want. Sometimes one partner beginning individual work creates enough movement that the other becomes willing to engage. If and when you're both ready, couples therapy can begin. Reach out and we can talk through what makes sense given where you are.

Question 14

Do you meet with each partner individually?

Accepted Answer

As part of the assessment process, I meet individually once with each partner so that each of you has space to speak candidly about your experience, your history, and your goals without managing the other person's reaction. Individual sessions are not about taking sides. They're about understanding each person fully so the couples work can go deeper. Usually we will meet together after that, but there may be times that individual sessions are appropriate as part of the process.

Question 15

What is a no-secrets policy?

Accepted Answer

When I work with couples, our agreement is that what each partner shares with me individually remains private, with one important exception. If you share information that would cause harm to your relationship or undermine our couples work if it remained unaddressed, I cannot simply hold that in silence. In practice this means I am not able to form an alliance with one partner against the other, or against the work we are doing together. If someone reveals an ongoing affair, for example, I will either support you in telling your partner, or we will need to end our work together as a couple. I may still be able to see each of you individually, but I cannot continue couples therapy when one partner is actively concealing something that fundamentally affects the relationship. This policy exists to protect both of you and the integrity of the work.

Question 16

What if the affair just happened and we're still in crisis?

Accepted Answer

You don't have to have things figured out before you reach out. In fact, the earlier couples engage with affair recovery therapy, the better, not because there's pressure to make decisions, but because having structured support during the acute crisis phase can help both partners stay regulated enough to make thoughtful choices rather than reactive ones. If you're in the immediate aftermath of discovering an affair, reach out. We can talk about where you are and what support might look like right now.

Question 17

Do you offer other types of couples therapy beyond affair recovery?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Affair recovery is one of several couples therapy specialties I offer. Depending on what you and your partner are navigating, other options include trauma-informed couples therapy (https://www.seekthesun.net/trauma-informed-couples-therapy), Gottman Method couples therapy (https://www.seekthesun.net/gottman-method-couples-therapy), therapy for couples navigating pornography use and intimacy (https://www.seekthesun.net/pornography-use-relationship-repair), therapy for empty nest couples (https://www.seekthesun.net/emptynestcouples), therapy addressing AI and digital relationship patterns (https://www.seekthesun.net/ai-relationships-therapy-texas), and Relational Life Therapy (https://www.seekthesun.net/relational-life-therapy). Each of these has its own page with more detail about what that work involves and who it's designed for.

Question 18

Do you also offer individual therapy for people affected by infidelity?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Not everyone who has experienced betrayal is ready or able to come in with their partner, and individual therapy can be valuable on its own terms. I offer individual therapy for betrayal trauma specifically (https://www.seekthesun.net/betrayal-trauma-therapy), as well as for narcissistic abuse recovery (https://www.seekthesun.net/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-therapy), adult children of emotionally immature parents (https://www.seekthesun.net/adult-children-emotionally-immature-parents-texas), therapy for moms (https://www.seekthesun.net/traumatherapyformoms), and therapy for teens (https://www.seekthesun.net/therapy-for-teens). If you're trying to figure out whether individual or couples work makes more sense for where you are right now, reach out and we can talk it through.

Question 19

What training do you have in affair recovery?

Accepted Answer

My affair recovery and couples work draws from extensive specialized training, including the Gottman Method Couples Therapy training and Gottman Treating Affairs and Trauma through the Gottman Institute, Healing Betrayal Trauma and Grief with the Gottman Institute and grief expert David Kessler, Cognitive-Behavioral Conjoint Therapy for PTSD, Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples in Crisis by Dr. Sue Johnson, and Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy training through Tammy Nelson's CSTIP program. Affair recovery is not a side specialty; it is one of the primary focuses of my clinical practice.

Question 20

Do you offer online affair recovery therapy in Texas?

Accepted Answer

Yes, I offer secure telehealth sessions for couples throughout Texas. Virtual affair recovery therapy follows the same structured process as in-person work, including the initial conjoint session, individual sessions, Gottman relationship assessment, and ongoing therapy through the three phases of the Trust Revival Method. I also see couples in person at my offices in Northwest Austin near Far West and Mopac and in Round Rock. Many couples find that the flexibility of telehealth makes it easier to show up consistently, which matters a great deal in affair recovery work. You can learn more about virtual therapy options at https://www.seekthesun.net/online-therapy-texas.

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Healing Doesn't Have a Commute

Online Therapy in Texas | Virtual Therapy for Individuals, Couples, and Relational Healing

The Right Care, Delivered Where You Are

What's Available via Telehealth

How Virtual Sessions Work

Is Virtual Therapy Right for You?

FAQ

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